No more gmail-facebook-gmail

I haven't kept a reliable log or diary in my entire life. That's a huge hyperbolic lie for the sake of introduction and I have no idea why I wrote it. There was the not-insignificant blog I kept from 2002-2006, not to mention each year I have a bound diary that I fill at least three quarters.

Every once in a while I'll write by hand in my book-diary (recently I've been making it a habit to do so every night before bed, as a faith-healing belief in the benefit of good old fashioned "brain drain"). But I have never written diary-esque observations with the frequency, or with the same attempt at quality, that I did when I thought people were checking my website.

So tonight, in a spontaneous and unimportant decision, I think I'm going to start writing more shit that people can read if they wanna.

Because lately, and not to get bleak all a sudden, I've been suffering from a lack of motivation. I have days all to my lonesome, and unless I get my lazy ass out to Starbucks, I spend all day on the couch, bonding with my dog over the complete series of "Freaks and Geeks." Worst part is, that show's good. So I kid myself into thinking I've done something not sick and pathetic by sitting all day and watching it.

Occasionally I'll have a flash of sudden motivation-- I'm gonna read now! I'm gonna download some new music! I'm gonna reorganize my room! And I live for these moments. My to-do lists are starting to look a little ridiculous, but now that I'm not toiling for grades and striving for anything in particular, I guess I just gotta be content with the satisfaction that comes with cleaning a sink full of dishes.

So this is for the thought-equivalent of those moments where I want to go do something RIGHT NOW. It's that feeling I was obsessed with in high school-- rehearsing a thought in my mind over and over so that I would remember to get online first thing when I got home and blog about it. When you start to live for ideas like that, it makes everything more interesting. You eavesdrop. You remember what you read. You get more ideas in general.

Time to pay attention to shit again. I won't just be a passive observer of other people's work. Call it a resolution if you will-- I'm officially unattaching from my television. Which is a relief, because my soul was starting to feel obese and sweaty.